Down in the Dumps

[a.baker]

Today is not a good day. I'm really down. I've realized I'm not needed any where and to no-one not even to God. I want to cry because this is true. The only ones who need me are my dogs, daughter and husband.

It all started today at work, oh how my boss makes me feel not only not needed, but not wanted. My boss makes me feel terrible and I can't and don't know how to talk to him. Been feeling like this for days.

Well this sounds funny but I have had nothing to do here and there at work so I've been reading grief pamphlets and books. So my heart being so moved I wondered what it would be like to be a grief counselor.

But then I started being filled with my own personal grief realizing how un-needed I am. How we all have this need to feel needed to feel purposeful and to tell you the truth its not there in my life any where except for the people I mentioned above. I will go on "forever" as God is willing for them, shoot even for just my daughter alone.

And to hear others on the other side of the curtain crying and I can't go to the other side of the curtain to cry with them bothers me!!! Tomorrow there is a funeral and I'm going to have to work and hide these things that bother me. See others cry and be expected to be businesslike.

I don't think this job is working out for me besides my boss. Its just too much. My heart says this but my boss acts like I'm no good which attacks my heart in another way.:sob: Theres no reason for him to treat me like I'm his kid who isn't perfect and that small mistakes are such big deals. This is a work place and hes my employer.

[InTheWind]

A good close friend keeps telling me that, " We can`t be responsible for the ignorant choices of others"
He is so right and we need to keep telling ourselves that, IMO the world is one big lie and we can either be part of it or be a child of God and know we are above the selfish greedy acts of those that are part of the world.
Your a wonderful loving person that gives everyday just by being you :hug: don`t believe the lies of Satan that your not needed. :pray:

[a.baker]

:hug::hug::hug:

[Jessie]

you are very needed....

:hug:

the world is a hard place.

see I value your friendship. :nod:
your very important to me!

[a.baker]

:hug: Thanks so much to the both of you!!! Things just don't look too positive right now :(

[InTheWind]

As i`m having to do myself forget all that negative stuff, it`s all lies from Satan that are depressing you. Tell that old boy Satan to take a hike we have authority over him :nod:
Now cheer up it`ll get better soon, i`ll betcha :hug:

[Willy]

I need you. :aww:

... a couple of days ago I had you and Wind and myself riding Harley's with colors that read "CTZ".

I had an old friend that was a Mortician and he was always smiling. I asked him one day how he could do that job and not be depressed. He said, "I've got all those relatives here burying a loved one." "They are staring eternity right in the face and are trying to figure out what is going on." "I get to be here and pray for the whole lot of them." :choir:

[a.baker]

Thanks so much guys! :hug: My hubby and daughter made me feel better too. I guess my feelings are just really hurt and I feel really trashed on, makes me feel worthless. And being around all the sad things at work and having to keep them closed in my heart.

I'm not good yet, but your right I will be :nod:. I think you all are the best and you guys and my family keep me going even though I feel hurt and wounded.

My husband says my boss probably will fire me, he's just waiting til after Christmas. I've never been fired before, I've always been given references from previous employers!

The other funeral home I worked for in the past for a few years was quite pleasant. My boss, the staff and environment. Things there were filled with empathy and compassion.

My ex-boss' dad was asked why he chose to work with the deceased. He said it was easier dealing with them then the living ( said it with a chuckle). In a way he has a point lol.

Death or seeing a deceased person doesn't bother me a bit no matter the age. Its quite peaceful. But being around those that are living and hurting really gets to me.

You just want to fix everything and make all their pain go away, you know. You want to be their crutch to lean on for a minute til they are stable to walk on their own. Silly I know, that's why I was thinking about going to school to be a grief counselor. Maybe that's not what I should do. Maybe I'm too soft and would get too involved in that type of work.

I read today 'never tell someone that they are too weak or to not cry. That hurts the healing process.' How true that is, in fact grieving I believe is a strength and makes us stronger although unpleasant, I also believe no one can grieve alone.

I was reading a journal of a woman whose husband passed away at a young age. It was so sad. I wanted to reach into that page and grieve with her. I believe the Spirit moves us Christians to do that.

I wonder why God put me in this job that makes me feel so miserable (mainly my boss). I do feel Satan at work with thoughts attacking me. My boss acts like I'm too dumb to even vacuum. Give me a break, its cleaning and how long have I been doing it? I better just stop, he might as well just come out and tell me what he thinks of me.

I wonder how can he be successful in this business with no compassion for the living.

Thanks so much for listening and letting me get this out.

[a.baker]

:hug: I really need all you guys! You help pick me up more the you know.:nod:

[xhacker]

Hold on in there, we girls are made of pretty stern stuff! I consider you a real friend Amanda; you have opened my eyes to all sorts of things i never considered:hug:.

[roman8]

Amanda , you are a friend to me and I consider you pretty darn important.
The truth is , you are believing a big fat LIE, just remember who you are in Christ , you are so important to the Lord that he died for you and now keeps you in his hand. Thats pretty cool , the creator of the universe , the creator of you , holds you in his hands:nod:

Just because you have a boss that treats you like a kid , it doesnt mean you are not important. He may just have his way of doing things and feels the need to correct everything if its not his way. My husband is the same way with me, it really ERKs me , I hate it , but I pray about it and understand (sometimes) that it is just his way. I feel very unimportant to him sometimes , but I know he needs me , even though he treats me like a 5 year old sometimes. He wouldnt even eat a proper meal without me around , for goodness sake he wouldnt remember anything , and Im not saying that all men are like that but my husband is , he will read this and agree, its been a wedge between us for many years but we are woking on it.
I dont know your whole situation , but I do know that you are important :hug:

[InTheWind]

:hug: I really need all you guys! You help pick me up more the you know.:nod:

We are all in this together, we are going through the worse time in our lives right now shy of my mother dying. People that we know have done things that we can not understand and we are heart broke about it.
We basicly have had to leave home to get away from it and probably will have to move because of others actions or non actions.
Most of what i see is caused by selfishness, greed, jelousy or just plain not caring.
Every day , even today we sit here in tears trying to figure out how to get things right but no one cares enough to lift a finger to help, it`s heart breaking .
Ok so what do we do about it, do we let others destroy us and take our joy, that`s what i`ve been doing thus far. :(
No we need to give thanks to God for everything He has given us and the good friends that we do have.
Hold on to the love that is right there with us and the fact that God loves us and that He knows the truth about everything that happens.
I always feel like telling those that are hurting me off but what good would it do, they don`t care.
This old world is getting to be a tough place again, it`s a me me generation that only cares about what they can gain and they don`t care who they hurt getting what they want.
Let`s be joyful in the Lord together today sis, remember too that God is saving our tears in a bottle and will pour out joy and peace too us someday from that same bottle.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug::hug::hug::hug:

[CoreIssue]

It is a hard for a Christian in this world. Especially in the area of death.

We understand the dead have moved on, not ceased to exist. That they have chosen what the move on to, some to a greater place and some to a terrible future they chose.

Grief is for the living, not the dead. Those left behind have to deal with the loss.

While here we understand that living for each other, not material gain is the goal. We understand God is the key to living right together, as what we build here carries on into eternity. That we are family forever, material gains here end.

Others that see that in us hate us for it. Some see we have what the want but cannot have because they reject the source, God. Some think power and other goals are superior, but they never are satisfied, so they keep wanting more and more that is empty of meaning.

It is hard being travelers in a foreign land where we are outsiders. But it will get better.

Does not make the road easy, but at least we have a destination. The world does not.

[a.baker]

Hold on in there, we girls are made of pretty stern stuff! I consider you a real friend Amanda; you have opened my eyes to all sorts of things i never considered:hug:.

:hug: Thanks XH! I also consider you a great friend :nod:

[a.baker]

Amanda , you are a friend to me and I consider you pretty darn important.
The truth is , you are believing a big fat LIE, just remember who you are in Christ , you are so important to the Lord that he died for you and now keeps you in his hand. Thats pretty cool , the creator of the universe , the creator of you , holds you in his hands:nod:

Just because you have a boss that treats you like a kid , it doesnt mean you are not important. He may just have his way of doing things and feels the need to correct everything if its not his way. My husband is the same way with me, it really ERKs me , I hate it , but I pray about it and understand (sometimes) that it is just his way. I feel very unimportant to him sometimes , but I know he needs me , even though he treats me like a 5 year old sometimes. He wouldnt even eat a proper meal without me around , for goodness sake he wouldnt remember anything , and Im not saying that all men are like that but my husband is , he will read this and agree, its been a wedge between us for many years but we are woking on it.
I dont know your whole situation , but I do know that you are important :hug:

Thanks Roman8 :hug: What you said about Christ dying for me, the way you said it made me think. Its always said but the way you said it:nod:

[a.baker]

:hug: I really need all you guys! You help pick me up more the you know.:nod:

We are all in this together, we are going through the worse time in our lives right now shy of my mother dying. People that we know have done things that we can not understand and we are heart broke about it.
We basicly have had to leave home to get away from it and probably will have to move because of others actions or non actions.
Most of what i see is caused by selfishness, greed, jelousy or just plain not caring.
Every day , even today we sit here in tears trying to figure out how to get things right but no one cares enough to lift a finger to help, it`s heart breaking .
Ok so what do we do about it, do we let others destroy us and take our joy, that`s what i`ve been doing thus far. :(
No we need to give thanks to God for everything He has given us and the good friends that we do have.
Hold on to the love that is right there with us and the fact that God loves us and that He knows the truth about everything that happens.
I always feel like telling those that are hurting me off but what good would it do, they don`t care.
This old world is getting to be a tough place again, it`s a me me generation that only cares about what they can gain and they don`t care who they hurt getting what they want.
Let`s be joyful in the Lord together today sis, remember too that God is saving our tears in a bottle and will pour out joy and peace too us someday from that same bottle.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug::hug::hug::hug:

:hug: Your absolutely right. If we tell them how we feel, how their treating us, no matter how we approach the situation they don't care. We leave our hearts open, lay them out and they stab, which makes us want to shrink back in. Definately a part of the battle.

[a.baker]

It is a hard for a Christian in this world. Especially in the area of death.

We understand the dead have moved on, not ceased to exist. That they have chosen what the move on to, some to a greater place and some to a terrible future they chose.

Grief is for the living, not the dead. Those left behind have to deal with the loss.

While here we understand that living for each other, not material gain is the goal. We understand God is the key to living right together, as what we build here carries on into eternity. That we are family forever, material gains here end.

Others that see that in us hate us for it. Some see we have what the want but cannot have because they reject the source, God. Some think power and other goals are superior, but they never are satisfied, so they keep wanting more and more that is empty of meaning.

It is hard being travelers in a foreign land where we are outsiders. But it will get better.

Does not make the road easy, but at least we have a destination. The world does not.

:hug:Yeah and also seeing others hurt each other while they are still living only opens doors to regret :(

Dealing with the living is very hard and one can't be fake about it. True love is raw and when we love I think thats why we get hurt so easy. I think raw is a good word to connect to the word love.

Something thats over done is tough and gritty. And something thats not touched is frozen, cold and hard. Being raw is also being left out in the elements :nod:

[a.baker]

I think you ALL are just the best friends anyone could ever have and I give God thanks for giving me you all as a gift that helps in more ways then can be counted.:nod::hug:

Today I was told many things were wrong with me but I was also told it will be discussed later in around 1-2 wks. So I'll find out with time what happens:(. I definately can't take being trashed on every day. I always try my best and always will. I guess thats the best anyone can do and with that in mind hopefully I will find daily peace even though the outside is not peaceful. :pray: