Am I Doing Wrong In God's Eyes?

[Noelle1]

When I was growing up, my dad made me wear skimpy clothes. I hated wearing them. He told me that there was something wrong with me because I didn't like them. My dad would come into my bedroom before I got out of bed in the mornings. Most of the time when he came in my room, he was wearing his underwear; sometimes, though, he would be wearing nothing at all. He would get on the bed with me and want to wrestle with me. I know he was doing this to get a sexual thrill. If I didn't wrestle with him, he would get mad and not speak to me for days. When he finally did start speaking to me again (which usually happened after I cried and begged him not to be mad) he would give me a lecture and tell me I had a problem because I didn't like him coming into my room when I was in bed and because I didn't like going around the house half naked. My dad had me convinced that there was something wrong with me. He never tried to have sex with me; he only wanted to look at my body. I wasn't allowed to shut my bedroom door. I can remember my dad standing in the hallway watching me change clothes. As a teenager, I was a nervous wreck. My dad told me that reading porn magazines would help my nerves, and that he would buy me some if I would read them. I told him I would not read them. My dad has said words to me in a sexual content and made comments about my body that no father should ever say to his daughter. He was also a cross dresser. If I went somewhere, when I got back I would find some of my clothes turned wrong side out. That is how I knew that he was wearing my clothes while I was gone. He was also very controlling. As they say, it was his way or the highway. I had two cats that I loved very much. Once when he got mad at me, he said they might come up missing one day.

I am now 46 years old. I have my own home. I have never married and I doubt I ever will. I've never even had a boyfriend. During high school, I had a few boys who were interested in me, but I just couldn't make myself go out on a date. My problem is that my dad wants to have a close relationship with me. When he is around me, he wants to hug and kiss me on the mouth. He also stares at me a lot. He stares at me so much that my mom told me to never let him in my house if I were alone. The way he looks at me makes me very uncomfortable. He still wants to control me. He told my mom that if I didn't like my job so well, he would make me quit and get another one. He made it sound like there was something wrong with my job. There's not. I'm a teaching assistant at an elementary school. He also is still a cross dresser. He wears men's shirts, but underneath you can see that he's wearing something with lace or flowers on it; sometimes he wears something with spaghetti straps. We live in a very small town, and I know most everyone knows that he does this. He even once went outside at his house wearing a dress to talk to some men working on a water line. I've also heard other people tell about seeing him in women's clothes. One of his neighbors told me that he saw my dad out in the yard without any clothes on. The neighbor was worried that my dad might harm his daughter. I'm really embarrassed for anyone to know that I'm related to him.

In April 2008, my dad got mad at me because I went to my niece's wedding. He didn't want to go because it was a two hour drive. I'm not sure why he was mad because I went. But there's been lots of times he's been mad and I've never know why. He hasn't been to my house since, and I feel like I've been set free. I have been so happy not being around him. I have problems with anxiety and I worry a lot. My doctor put me on Paxil. Between the medication and not being around my dad, I'm feel so much better. A couple of weeks ago, my dad called seven times. I saw it was him on my Caller ID, so I didn't answer the phone. I was afraid if I talked to him he would start coming over again. A few days later, I saw him drive by my house. Yesterday, he drove by again. I know it sounds terrible, but I don't love him and I don't want anything to do with him. I'm not mad at him, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't a relationship with him. I have two older brothers and he has six brothers and sisters, so it's not like I'm the only person he has. But I'm afraid I'm wrong for not wanting a relationship with my dad. I used to worry that God would punish me for not having anything to do with him. I don't worry as much now (I guess that's the Paxil at work). But I'm still afraid that I'm doing wrong in God's eyes. I know that the Bible says to respect your parents, but I just can't have any respect for him. As a matter of fact, I think he's a pervert. Do you think I'm wrong for not having anything to do with my dad? I know this was very long. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

Noelle

[a.baker]

Noelle I can't imagine what you must be feeling or going through. Do your brothers know and if so what is their reaction? Did your dad act weird to them too or just you? Wheres your mom, are they still married living in the same house?

You DO NOT need to feel bad for not wanting to see your dad. You are not disrespecting him. :hug: You should have separation. I hear this and like your mom said I'm also worried he might hurt you physically. Some people lust and it grows so intense they act on it or act out in anger if they can't have what they are lusting for. Your dads actions shows in so many ways he does not know Jesus at all. I don't know where you are on this, sounds like you know God and He's keeping you safe, but where does your dad say he is on religion? I will pray for you and your dad. :hug:

Just because you are having to protect yourself is not disrespect. And when he gets mad, its not you, he has a problem with himself. People like to control others because they can't control themselves. If you point out who he is and tell him he's in the wrong I bet he gets mad. He gets mad because he hates his reflection and he doesn't like who he is but he would rather live in his fantasy of lusts then try to change it sounds like. He sounds confused, he sounds like he loves you for two different reasons. He is his own worst enemy and he knows it but has no care for the fight to get rid of the enemy.

He is hurting you Noelle for his own desire and that says something. The Bible talks of what a wicked thing your dad is doing. We are here for you when ever you need and we will all pray for you :hug: :pray:

[Noelle1]

Thank you so much for answering my post. Just wanted to answer the questions that you asked. Both of my brothers know how my dad treated me. My brothers are ten and twelve years older than I am. They were both at college when most of this happened to me, so they didn't know it was going on until I told them a few years ago. They both told me not to let our dad in my house if I'm alone. After I told one of my brothers, he told me that my dad made a pass at his wife (now his ex-wife). My brother is now remarried and has two step children. When his step daughter was a teenager, she would not go around my dad because of the way he was touching her.
They would come to my house and have lunch, then they would go to my dad's house and stay about an hour. When they got to his house, my niece would lie down in the back of the SUV and they would pretend she wasn't with them. My brother says the only reason he visits my dad is because he feels that he has to. I don't think he ever acted weird toward my brothers. One of my brothers did say that my dad knocked him around. My mom said that she didn't know about this.

As for my mom, my dad was really bad to her too. He made her wear skimpy clothes, which she didn't like. If she didn't wear them, he would give her the silent treatment. He had her convinced that there was something wrong with her too. She knew the way he was treating me, and she tried to stop it, but she couldn't. He would not let her have a job or drive a car. My dad controlled the money and he controlled where she went. If her parents went somewhere and she wanted to go with them while my dad was at work, she would ask my dad if she could go. He never told her no, but she could tell when he didn't want her to go. So she wouldn't go. About 14 years ago, she divorced him. My mom now lives with me. She and I are best friends, and we are so happy to be away from my dad. My mom used to get infections.
She has told me some of the nasty stuff that he made her do sexually. I know this is what caused the infections because she has not had any since she's been away from my dad. She is a very good Christian woman and she sometimes worrys that she did wrong in leaving him.

I'm not sure if my dad is really a Christian. He goes to church every Sunday. But I think this may be more of a social thing for him than religious.

You're right God is keeping me safe and taking good care of me. I have always had problems with low self-esteem. But I'm actually getting much better with that. I love children but I went through early menopause 4 years ago, so I'll never have any of my own. But God has taken care of that too. I am a teaching assistant at an elementary school. I have always worked mostly with fifth and sixth graders. Because of changes in staffing, four years ago I was transferred to the PreK classroom. I was so upset. I cried and cried. But now I realize that this was probably God's doing. Four and five year children love very easily and they have no problem telling you that they love you. So even though I will never have my own children, I do have children to love. Last school year I was offered another position at the school similar to my old position. I turned it down. I love the age group that I'm working with now.

My mom wants to know if you think that she was wrong to leave my dad. As I said she worrys about that sometimes.

Thank you again for answering my post.

Noelle

[CoreIssue]

I do not believe either of you are wrong regarding him. To me the Bible does not say comply with that kind of behavior.

It says respect your parents. It never says you have to love them.

[a.baker]

Noelle I don't think your mom was wrong. I think your dad was being unfaithful and that is grounds for divorce. With your dads controlling who knows all he did when he was away from home and all his lust is unfaithful and his wickedness.

I am sorry your mom had to deal with him and I am so glad she finally got the courage to get out of there. I am also so glad to hear you two live together. You can give each other so much support :nod:

Is there a male in town or that you know, that would be willing to talk to your dad? Your dads actions show who his master is, if you know what I am saying. If your dad knew Christ he would love Christ and he would do what Christ would expect him to do, he would put the Bible's teachings into practice. To fear God is the beginning of wisdom. Just like a child fears their parents if they know they are doing wrong, they are going to get into trouble, there is a consequence or discipline. We can't hide from God. God loves us and treats us as his children when we are His.

Praise be to God He keeps both you and your mom safely under His wing and gives you peace to rest. :hug: :hug:

:pray: Prayers for your mom, brothers and their children.

[Noelle1]

You asked if there was someone who could talk to my dad. I don't think there is. I think most people in our town who know about him want to keep their distance. One man who has a daughter who lives close to my dad was worried about his daughter's safety. The man wanted us to have my dad committed to a mental institution. We can't do that. He would have to be proven to be a danger to someone or to himself. He hasn't done anything to anybody. So we can't have him committed. Another neighbor used to walk every day by his house, but she started walking the other direction to avoid him. I heard that one lady who lives close to him, saw him out in his cow pasture wearing a ladies' nightgown. It scared her so badly that she ran back to her house. When one of the policemen in our town found out who my dad was, he asked me if my dad had Alzheimer's. I didn't know this policeman and I didn't know that my dad knew him. But apparently, the policeman knew something about my dad. I think people just don't want to have anything to do with someone like him.

[CoreIssue]

Some people have problems and need confinement. Some just give into their perversions and lusts.

So, it is all a matter of which category you dad falls into.