JonathanL.G.
03-24-2009, 12:43 PM
HELLO MY NAME IS JONATHAN. IM NEW TO THIS SITE AND DON'T EXACTLY KNOW HOW TO SAY WHAT NEEDS TO COME OUT.
I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN THE GAY LIFESTYLE FOR OVER 11 YEARS NOW AND IM ONLY 23, WHILE SINCE THE AGE OF 4 IV'E HAD THIS UNREALISTIC CRUSH ON A GIRL I GREW UP IN CHURCH WITH BY THE NAME OF JOY.
I HAVE PRAYED FOR YEARS THAT GOD WOULD LEAD ME OUT OF THIS LIFESTYLE INTO HER LIFE. BUT I JUST KEEP GOING IN CICLES(:aah:). I KNOW THE WORD PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME THEY THINK MY PURPOSE IS TO MINISTER AND AFTER PRAYING ABOUT THAT I THINK THEY ARE RIGHT, BUT I LOOK AT MY LIFESTYLE, WELL THE LIFESTYLE I LEAD AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ROMANS 3 WHERE IT TALKS ABOUT BEING GIVEN UP TO A DEBASED MIND AND THAT IS WHAT SCARES ME. THEN ANOTHER PART OF THAT IS WHERE THE WORD SAYS (AND THEY WILL REAP THERE JUST REWARD); WITCH BRINGS ME TO 2003. THE YEAR I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND HOW THAT CHANGED YET ANOTHER PART OF MY LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE WILL TELL ME IM CRAZY OR IT WAS A DREAM OR SOMETHING TO THAT NATURE WHEN I TELL THEM THIS BUT I REMEMBER TALKING TO GOD BEFORE I WAS SENT TO THIS EARTH. I KNOW THAT I WAS SENT HERE FOR A PURPOSE; IT'S IMPLIED IN MY NAME JONATHAN- MEANING "SENT BY GOD". BUT I HAVE LOST SO MUCH OF MY FAITH OVER THE YEARS AND I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF, GOD OR JOY BUT SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL HELPLESS AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT MY JOB, PLACE OF RESIDENCE AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IS RAPPED INTO THIS GAY LIFESTYLE. NOT KNOWING HOW TO LIVE OR WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO TO GET AWAY PERMANETLY WITCH I KNOW WILL TAKE A REAL WALK OF FAITH ON MY PART. I JUST NEED AWNSERS I NEED HELP I NEED JESUS.
I FEEL AS THOUGH IM BATTLING IT OUT(:catfight:), WITH THE DEVIL(:grr:), AND KNOW MATTER WHAT I ALWAYS END UP BEING HURT(:sob:). I JUST ASK THAT YOU AS A COMMUNITY WOULD PRAY FOR ME CAUSE I CANT TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN THE GAY LIFESTYLE FOR OVER 11 YEARS NOW AND IM ONLY 23, WHILE SINCE THE AGE OF 4 IV'E HAD THIS UNREALISTIC CRUSH ON A GIRL I GREW UP IN CHURCH WITH BY THE NAME OF JOY.
I HAVE PRAYED FOR YEARS THAT GOD WOULD LEAD ME OUT OF THIS LIFESTYLE INTO HER LIFE. BUT I JUST KEEP GOING IN CICLES(:aah:). I KNOW THE WORD PEOPLE ALWAYS TELL ME THEY THINK MY PURPOSE IS TO MINISTER AND AFTER PRAYING ABOUT THAT I THINK THEY ARE RIGHT, BUT I LOOK AT MY LIFESTYLE, WELL THE LIFESTYLE I LEAD AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ROMANS 3 WHERE IT TALKS ABOUT BEING GIVEN UP TO A DEBASED MIND AND THAT IS WHAT SCARES ME. THEN ANOTHER PART OF THAT IS WHERE THE WORD SAYS (AND THEY WILL REAP THERE JUST REWARD); WITCH BRINGS ME TO 2003. THE YEAR I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND HOW THAT CHANGED YET ANOTHER PART OF MY LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE WILL TELL ME IM CRAZY OR IT WAS A DREAM OR SOMETHING TO THAT NATURE WHEN I TELL THEM THIS BUT I REMEMBER TALKING TO GOD BEFORE I WAS SENT TO THIS EARTH. I KNOW THAT I WAS SENT HERE FOR A PURPOSE; IT'S IMPLIED IN MY NAME JONATHAN- MEANING "SENT BY GOD". BUT I HAVE LOST SO MUCH OF MY FAITH OVER THE YEARS AND I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF, GOD OR JOY BUT SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL HELPLESS AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT MY JOB, PLACE OF RESIDENCE AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IS RAPPED INTO THIS GAY LIFESTYLE. NOT KNOWING HOW TO LIVE OR WHERE TO GO OR WHAT TO DO TO GET AWAY PERMANETLY WITCH I KNOW WILL TAKE A REAL WALK OF FAITH ON MY PART. I JUST NEED AWNSERS I NEED HELP I NEED JESUS.
I FEEL AS THOUGH IM BATTLING IT OUT(:catfight:), WITH THE DEVIL(:grr:), AND KNOW MATTER WHAT I ALWAYS END UP BEING HURT(:sob:). I JUST ASK THAT YOU AS A COMMUNITY WOULD PRAY FOR ME CAUSE I CANT TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.