Help...for a non-christian?

[skyler32034]

Alright, I don't really know how to start this off, so I guess I'll jump right to it. I'm 21 years old, and I'm married to a wonderful Christian man who I love with all of my heart, but I'm letting him down. For many years, I've struggled with the Christian faith. I simply ask too many questions, I never stop, and its a fault of mine. The problem is, over the past few months, my faith has vanished all together. I believe in my Husband, just not necessarily in religion. I don't want to disrespect him, because its what he believes whole heartedly...so I've tried and tried to convince myself that I still believed, but at the end of the day, I know I still am ultimately an Agnostic. I don't suppose the situation would be as bad, but he's a little older than me, being 34, he's a preacher, and plays in a music ministry. I've not completely came right out and told him that I'm "agnostic", so I feel that I'm withholding something from him. But at the same time I don't want to hurt him either. When we got married, I still felt I was essentially a Christian, but thats obviously changed. I don't know what to do from this point, I'm not choosing not to believe, its just something I can't do... I don't know whether to tell him everything, or keep it to myself. But my biggest question is: Is there anyway I can support him, while not believing in his religion. I've been trying to for some time, but still feel almost like its...I don't know...fake. I want to support him to the fullest, I don't want to try to change his beliefs. I know that I will stand by him through what ever he believes, but is it wrong to him, I just don't want to hurt him being honest with him, and I don't want to be fake with him either...I'm just confused, any advice would be wonderful. Thanks.

[CTZonEdit]

Well keeping it to yourself isnt working out to well so far for you is seems. You should communicate to your husband how you feel spiritually.

I'm sure he would be more than glad to help you since he should be the one that knows you best. But hiding this from him and fooling yourself is not doing either of you any good.

[CoreIssue]

Agree, CTZ.

And a question. Everyone believes in some ultimate truth. What is the ultimate reality to you? The Universe, a god, Man, a force, what?

No one is actually neutral, no matter what they say. Something is there that they see supreme.

What is supreme to you?

[Jessie]

why did you think you were a christian and what beliefs did you hold? and then what is it you dont believe? Just trying to get a better picture and I know those here and give you the answers you are needing.

[a.baker]

Me and my husband are in the same boat kinda sorta but its different. I am the Christian and he is an agnostic. Please tell your husband everything thats in your heart! Some things are hard but he is your other half and must know. He may be able to help you out tons because like CTZ said, he probably knows you best.

My husband came to me and said he was afraid to tell me some things he thinks or questions because he; same as you feel; might change my mind about being a Christian. But it doesn't change my mind it just better helps him see why I have faith in what I know and um well some things don't know. I can be more empathetic to him and better help him to maybe "see". My husband is one that basically needs proof that would in the end rule out faith. That proof doesn't exist. One must have faith. It exists to us that know Jesus but not to those that are on the other side. And thats done with the HS (amongst some other things; like prayers answered or people changed in a 360 direction, scripture proven ect.).

I believe your husband is a pastor because of his strong faith and because of God working within him. Your questions I don't believe would hurt what he believes but his answers might help you to better understand even if you can't accept it.

I tell you what. For the love of my husband and Jesus I want him to know my God so very much. But at the same time I can't push him and won't. You know the things that bother me the most is that I can't share this with him because he doesn't want to. But in the end I am very happy that he doesn't pretend to be something hes not, to please me, because it would be a lie and fake. If he lied about who he was; I would wonder what else he's lying about. Your husband will love you and appreciate you as being his wife; and about being honest and opened hearted.

You know we all change. Me and my husband went two different directions. We have led it to opportunities to build us up instead of breaking us down. Tell you what; these hard times we have besides religion is what makes us. Its what people in my generation stand back in wonder of how we do it; because my generation is full of non commitment and divorce. Christians or not.

You know the people that do push are the ones that don't listen when we talk or consider and are the ones that don't understand or accept that we don't have the ultimate control.

You know I am not going to lie and I don't know your husband. He probably will be saddened you don't know his God. But he would be more saddened if you forever pretended because it is lying. Its gonna come out eventually. Better and easier now than waiting til it turns into some sort of depression or something. You know who you are and your husband deserves to know who you are too.

[a.baker]

You know I don't know a single true Christian that doesn't love to talk about Jesus or help others find questions to their answers. We would all here love to talk with you about Jesus. Just thinking about it. Just an invitation. :hug:

[skyler32034]

wow, thanks so much for all the help you guys have given me, it really does help a lot. I don't really know the best way to answer your question about what it is I believe. I don't believe in the big bang theory or anything, I just simply don't know...thats why instead of being "Atheist" I consider myself Agnostic. I guess if I had to choose a religion that wasn't Agnostic, it would most likely be Christianity, its just that I don't <i>know</i>. I was raised in a Christian Family, and well obviously living in, at least a one sided Christian marriage, but for a while, I just continuously question everything, and it puts a lot of strain on my own faith. I know it doesn't make sense, like I said I'm very confused, and sure it will confuse everyone else too. lol. Sorry :(

[CoreIssue]

wow, thanks so much for all the help you guys have given me, it really does help a lot. I don't really know the best way to answer your question about what it is I believe. I don't believe in the big bang theory or anything, I just simply don't know...thats why instead of being "Atheist" I consider myself Agnostic. I guess if I had to choose a religion that wasn't Agnostic, it would most likely be Christianity, its just that I don't <i>know</i>. I was raised in a Christian Family, and well obviously living in, at least a one sided Christian marriage, but for a while, I just continuously question everything, and it puts a lot of strain on my own faith. I know it doesn't make sense, like I said I'm very confused, and sure it will confuse everyone else too. lol. Sorry :(
What do you need to decide? Historical evidence, good solid points to consider or what?

Another question is do you fear deciding? Many people do.

[Christian]

Asking questions isn't a bad thing. I'd say if you love him, tell him the truth. And from there work on it. See there is a billion wrong ways to look at Christianity, and a right way. Sadly even today the BULK of all Christian's you meet are probably going to be bad ones.

Please just take it into thought, believing in more you know. Example:

If you were kicked out, i'd give you a home. I'm a real Christian. I'd trust you in my home, and allow you to do as you wish. I would accept you as you are, Agnostic, Athiest, Satanist, rich or poor, and love you as that. Maybe that's why searching for Christ would be worth while... At least you're Agnostic instead of Athiest though haha. Athiesm requires people to bluntly deny anything they don't like, even Science which ends up proving 'a God' more then anything haha. I wish you luck and God bless and who knows maybe crack open a Bible or something. You'll end up coming to a point where you'll chose, everyone does. If you ever need anything, at least that we can possible give here, please let us know. Non-Christian's are still children of God. I'll look at you that way no matter what.

[skyler32034]

Well, I'll be honest with you...I think deep down...I know God is real...I just don't exactly "want" to accept it. I mean, technically I do believe it, it's just easier for me to say "no, thats not true...I don't have to worry about it". I REALLY want to be a good Christian. But I really want to have a long marriage with my husband...I want us to have kids, and raise them, and everything. He truly is my best friend. And all this stuff with the "End of the World" constantly brought up in Christianity really bothers me. I felt better about it when I was told that we would still be married in Heaven, then I researched it on my own, and found in the bible that that isn't true. I mean, I know thats kinda choosing my husband over God, and I'll be the first to admit it, but he's everything to me...and I know thats not how its supposed to be, and that won't be important there...but its important to me now. Selfish I know...But I can't help it. We haven't been married all that long, and now its like everytime I think about it, I realize that we probably won't be married all that long, because the world is ending, and even if we both go to heaven, we still won't be married. It just really sucks. lol. It's really just growing up on my part, is all that needs to be done, but right now...I just don't want to, its easier to think, none of that is real...and there's nothing to worry about...because its not going to happen.

Does that make any sense? I know it makes me sound bad...But you ask what the real problem was...and I'm just trying to be honest.

[Christian]

Ironically i think you end up worrying about much less if you are a Christian ;p

And hey, there isn't marriage in heaven, but marriage is eternal. maybe that was just confusing hehe ;) Your orientation will continue. If you two stay together, you'll be in Heaven together. Don't worry. God wants you to be happy and you'll either be happy or happier, guaranteed.

[skyler32034]

Really? like, for real? Omg, thats like the best news I've heard in a really long time. You don't realize how much hope you just gave me lol...I've tried to talk to my mom about it, and she's just like...aw, theres not anything like sex in heaven, so you won't worry about being with him, and I try to make her understand that its nothing sexual, just that he's my best friend, my other half I guess, however cliche and corny that sounds lol. So, I guess...we could still be like best friends in Heaven...or is that pushing it? haha.

[a.baker]

Don't mean to change the subject but its still the same. From my understanding there is not much scripture on heaven. So some things we just believe to be. I believe that we may be surrounded around those we loved on earth if they also go to heaven, but I don't remember any scripture on it. Does anyone have the scripture about heaven?

And Christian is right. Skyler if you knew God and His Son you would worry less about stuff. And even though you feel complete with your husband God gives something even more to add on top of that, that I bet you might not know your missing until you have it. Scripture teaches us that Jesus is the way and the life. Quite joyous and tried and true. Some people don't know what their missing until they have it; including myself, I was there not too long ago. Now that I have also a relationship with God I don't understand how I could of done without as long as I did and I now have a much better understanding of many things.

See when I was growing up I was taught to only believe. Well thats a lie and got me into a mess only God could pull me out of. Not too long ago I searched for who God was and actually opened my Bible and that opened my eyes. The best thing that could of ever happened in my life. I had and have a wonderful husband and 4 year old girl. So I had those things, but I still I felt something was empty within me and I knew it had to do with God. I am just in awe how much God loves us and when we choose Him He promises to never let go. So if you feel much love now imagine the greater love you will feel from God.

And your mother stating sexual stuff is just immature on her behalf and no she wouldn't understand if thats her understanding of other peoples hearts.

Think of before you ever met your husband. You were probably fine and happy. But once you met him and got to know him you realized you couldn't live without him. You didn't know about your husband until you had him and once you had him you decided to never let him go and vice versa so you two got married. Can you imagine having a relationship with the One who made love even possible?

I am serious; God misses you very much skyler and He is calling you every day. He has his hand outstretched to you hoping you will grab on. Please think of Him too. He is the one who made your husband and well gave him to you. I mean seriously think about this; He gave His only Son to the world. Now how much does that speak for His love for us...... Can you imagine giving your son (if you had one) out of love for a sacrifice in hopes others might love you back? Its o.k. to question. One must to understand.

And I agree Christian many whom I have met whom claim to be Christian seem out of touch with something huge. It seems to be more of a social thing for them than a faith thing for the love of our God. It makes me sad for Him it really really does!

[Christian]

Good reply Baker.

And yea Skyler, like there isn't much about Heaven but we do have enough to know the human-interests. Basically the thing is all bad feelings will be replaced with good feelings no human as ever felt before. But there are other parts that are straight foward like when it does say 'something = eternal' ;p At the same time we're all part of God. It breaks down to the beginning even. 'God' 'Nothingness' Everything that exists is part of God. But we can become malignant, if we're not careful.

So theoretically, we'll have new understanding in Heaven, (while still knowing the old im sure [Free will is eternal]), and our current fears won't even make sense to us anymore. I've also had a struggle or two with Heaven but turned out i just misunderstood, hehe.

To be honest i'm not sure about the sex thing. God Himself promotes marital sex. But; sex always seems to be used as a tool more then anything else by people. Curiosity, stress relieve, good time. I think we won't even care about it once we're filled with unimaginable joy and to be honest i'd rather go fly xD I wouldn't count it out so quickly though. Again we don't know a lot, but it's high time we preached about Heaven instead of Hell for once.

[CoreIssue]

Well, I'll be honest with you...I think deep down...I know God is real...I just don't exactly "want" to accept it.
Acceptance requires one to acknowledge God is completely superior to self, we are not the center of the universe and we are far from perfect, even good.

That grates on human nature. It is not in us to put 100% reliance on anything but self.
I mean, technically I do believe it, it's just easier for me to say "no, thats not true...I don't have to worry about it".
It allows self to be supreme. Satisfies the ego.
I REALLY want to be a good Christian.
Knowledge or what is right versus what we want. Often not the same.
But I really want to have a long marriage with my husband...I want us to have kids, and raise them, and everything. He truly is my best friend.
Self interest with that scary reliance on others getting in there as well. A struggle.
And all this stuff with the "End of the World" constantly brought up in Christianity really bothers me. I felt better about it when I was told that we would still be married in Heaven, then I researched it on my own, and found in the bible that that isn't true.
You are correct. But what you fail to understand is that if both are there you will move into a deeper relationship than you had on the earth and share it with all others in Heaven.

People clinging to marriage as continuing into Heaven fail to see there is even a better relationship.

Marriage revolves around a sexual bond. But the sex ends in Heaven, as does being male or female. We become something else.
I mean, I know thats kinda choosing my husband over God, and I'll be the first to admit it, but he's everything to me...and I know thats not how its supposed to be, and that won't be important there...but its important to me now. Selfish I know...But I can't help it.
More of a failure to understand you will not be loosing a loving relationship, but actually moving into a deeper one not limited to one person. A relationship based on even better reasons than marriage.

I say that having been married over 35 years and knowing I would be deeply hurt to loose my wife.
We haven't been married all that long, and now its like everytime I think about it, I realize that we probably won't be married all that long, because the world is ending, and even if we both go to heaven, we still won't be married. It just really sucks. lol. It's really just growing up on my part, is all that needs to be done, but right now...I just don't want to, its easier to think, none of that is real...and there's nothing to worry about...because its not going to happen.
Begin looking at the gain for both of you, not a sense of false loss.
Does that make any sense? I know it makes me sound bad...But you ask what the real problem was...and I'm just trying to be honest.
It makes sense in earthly terms. But in spiritual reality is does not hold up to reality.

[frankDH]

Well, I'll be honest with you...I think deep down...I know God is real...I just don't exactly "want" to accept it. I mean, technically I do believe it, it's just easier for me to say "no, thats not true...I don't have to worry about it". I REALLY want to be a good Christian. But I really want to have a long marriage with my husband...I want us to have kids, and raise them, and everything. He truly is my best friend. And all this stuff with the "End of the World" constantly brought up in Christianity really bothers me. I felt better about it when I was told that we would still be married in Heaven, then I researched it on my own, and found in the bible that that isn't true. I mean, I know thats kinda choosing my husband over God, and I'll be the first to admit it, but he's everything to me...and I know thats not how its supposed to be, and that won't be important there...but its important to me now. Selfish I know...But I can't help it. We haven't been married all that long, and now its like everytime I think about it, I realize that we probably won't be married all that long, because the world is ending, and even if we both go to heaven, we still won't be married. It just really sucks. lol. It's really just growing up on my part, is all that needs to be done, but right now...I just don't want to, its easier to think, none of that is real...and there's nothing to worry about...because its not going to happen.

Does that make any sense? I know it makes me sound bad...But you ask what the real problem was...and I'm just trying to be honest.

You need to be honest with your mate, but you also need to be honest with your self. You can’t know there is a God, tell yourself it isn’t true, AND REALLY want to be a Christian. You either know too little about God or not enough about yourself.

You can study your bible and learn more about God. Examine yourself first. Why do you really want to be a Christian? Your devotion to your husband would seem the best answer to me, from what you have said. And that won’t work. Being a Christian is a belief. Not an entertainment of someone else’s desires or favor to them.

Some things you might want to think about.

1. How many of the traits your husband possesses are a result of his belief? Can you see God in your husband’s love and provision for you? Would he be the same guy without God? It’s a package deal when you choose a Christian. Eliminating God replaces the one you love with someone you haven’t even met.

2. You don’t want to believe because you won’t be married in heaven? Don’t believe and you will be separated from him for all of eternity. All things work in the believer’s favor [Rom 8:28]. Marriage will be replaced with something even better and eternal and your husband will be there with you.

3. On the issue of placing husband before God? Marriage is an experience of trouble in the flesh [1 Cor 7:28]. A single person can devote more of themselves to God. A married person is torn between service to God and service to their mate [1 Cor 7:32-34]. But God understands our limits. And He has sanctified you through your husband for the sake of those children you want to have. [1 Cor 7:12-14]. The backbone of your union with your husband, and any children you might have, is being maintained by a God you would prefer not be there? Be selfish and embrace those things that strengthen the marriage you desire.

[Josephine Ishikawa]

hi!try to accept Jesus in you life,me too!before i never expect that jesus became my personal Lord and saviour,but everything there is a season and time.I have a favorite verse in Psalm 30:3 "O LORD,you brought me up from the graveyou spared me from going down into the pit."I know your husband have faith in the Lord he believe that time will come for you,like me my husband have different belief he is a buddish and he always told me that there is no real God but im always told him that there is and oneday God touch his heart,and the one thing i always thanks God he go ing with me to the church coz i tust the holy spirit to work in him,I know God is a powerful God he make impossible to possible.Revelation 3:20 God said "Here i am!I stand at the door and knock.If anyone hears my voice and open the door,I will come in and eat with him,and he with me."REST IN THE LORD.

[a.baker]

:hug: You said it!