my friend

[a.baker]

I have a question on an old friend of mine. She called me today out of the blue but I was gone running errands. I am going to call her back tomorrow when she is sobered up a little.

First I must give you a little detail about her and her life because when I talk to her tomorrow I am not sure on how to approach her. I feel this detail will better help you to understand the sensitivity of the situation.

She has always been a close friend of mine and at about 17 years old trouble started for her. Her dad was a very weird man who was an alcoholic and for no reason left his family. He made them all leave the house and move into an apartment and later moved to some other state and has never contacted her. Her mother was also an alcoholic who was also very weird. Her brother had muscular dystrophy disease and had passed away about 1 and a half years ago when the disease had spread to his heart.

My friend started to become an alcoholic at the age of 17 and than got hooked on some serious drugs like coke and meth.

I tried so hard in the past to help her and be there for her and she has always pushed me away. She has tried rehabilitation centers one after another and they never stick for her. She doesn't believe in God and doesn't even want to talk about it (talks from high school). She talks so much about hate for everything and for herself. She has done some horrible things to herself and people because of the lack of love she received growing up and for herself and she realizes and admits to all these things. When one tries to love she pushes them away and fast. When ever I show her I care even a little I won't hear from her for a year or so.

She says to me " Get away I will just hurt you. You are too good to me. Go. Leave."

I know she has so much hurt that she drounds herself in alcohol constantly. When my husband talked to her today she kept calling back saying she forgot she already called because she was drunk. I cannot believe she is still living with situations she has put herself in.

What do I say to her? What do I do? I am afraid if I show her I care she will run away from me again for who knows how long until the net time.

Also since her brother died her mother got a new boyfriend and does not care to have a relationship with her. I don't think her dad went to the funeral either.

:(

[a.baker]

One more thing, besides the boyfriend she always goes back to, I think I am the only friend that will even still TALK to her. It is so sad....

[kay-gee]

a.baker, this may be your oppurtunity of a lifetime. Measure your words carefully. She is calling upon you for a reason.

all the best...

[InTheWind]

All bets are off when drinking is involved, been going through it all my life with family.
They need to get professional help first then your help will do some good.
It`s a tough thing to deal with and some people are real good at manipulating people, they like to live both lives, drinking and a sweat nice person.
I feel for ya a.baker and it won`t be easy, you have to look the whole situation over and make some tough decisions.
Praying for you and them, pray for me i`m going through the same thing with two family members. :(

God can intervene so don`t give up prayer, He removed drinking from my life many years ago and imo is the only permanent fix.

[a.baker]

Hmm I was thinking about making a prayer thread for this but I might as well just keep it here.
Could you pray that she answers her phone when I call her today and that I can see her in the very near future or that she will at least give me her address so I can write her.

I love her so very much!

ITW if you read this do you also have any advice? I know alcohol used to be a part of your life and I was wondering what does one really want in this situation? I know you can't speak for her and it is probably a no brainer; but I can give others a better understanding of what it is like doing some of the things I used to do and what I needed. It is just that, people that have never been there, cannot fully understand what it is like going through something.

[a.baker]

Thank x ITW :)

[a.baker]

:pray: praying for yours too! Is it a hereditary thing why ones prone to it or just growing up around the lifestyle?

[InTheWind]

Lets just say i know a person that`s in her 40`s and is living like she`s 16, has done a lot of harm to herself and her daughter. Goes in and out of bad relationships all the time and claims to be a Christian.
She needs therapy but everyone has been trying to help her all her life and she never changes. Sometimes people have to hit bottom first, sometimes if the person will listen and try praying can work.
My son has lost everything he has ever owned and just got his second DUI, i`m hoping and praying that he has learned but only time will tell, everything we have ever told him goes in one ear and out the other.
I guess my best advice is too show as much love as you can, do very thing you can do for her as long as it doesn`t start effecting you and your family's life in a bad way. If it starts effecting you and yours badly get away, tell the person they need to put some effort in too help themselves.
This is so very hard, i`ve been through so much hurt because of drinking that i had a attack last may and three nervous breakdowns over it.
No more, i`m getting help for myself now, by letting others control my life it almost killed me.
My most sincere prayers go out to everyone involved and i hope your friend sees how much she needs to change so you can be the friend you want to be. :pray::pray::pray:

[Jessie]

Lets just say i know a person that`s in her 40`s and is living like she`s 16, has done a lot of harm to herself and her daughter. Goes in and out of bad relationships all the time and claims to be a Christian.
She needs therapy but everyone has been trying to help her all her life and she never changes. Sometimes people have to hit bottom first, sometimes if the person will listen and try praying can work.
My son has lost everything he has ever owned and just got his second DUI, i`m hoping and praying that he has learned but only time will tell, everything we have ever told him goes in one ear and out the other.
I guess my best advice is too show as much love as you can, do very thing you can do for her as long as it doesn`t start effecting you and your family's life in a bad way. If it starts effecting you and yours badly get away, tell the person they need to put some effort in too help themselves.
This is so very hard, i`ve been through so much hurt because of drinking that i had a attack last may and three nervous breakdowns over it.
No more, i`m getting help for myself now, by letting others control my life it almost killed me.
My most sincere prayers go out to everyone involved and i hope your friend sees how much she needs to change so you can be the friend you want to be. :pray::pray::pray:

:hug:

praying for you both:pray:

[a.baker]

Thank x for the prayers. I just called her back and she didn't answer :( I just got back from a small group class/ social from church and guess what the topic was... reaching out to the lost.

[InTheWind]

Reach out, not saying you shouldn`t just don`t reach yourself into ruin. There is a limit of what you can do, none of us would forgive ourselves if we didn`t try.
Good luck and hope it all works out. :pray:

[Jessie]

Reach out, not saying you shouldn`t just don`t reach yourself into ruin. There is a limit of what you can do, none of us would forgive ourselves if we didn`t try.
Good luck and hope it all works out. :pray:

excellent advice.

many of us have reached ourselfs into ruin because we did'nt set boundries and in the process of trying to help became controled by others.

[kay-gee]

Try your best...God is with you

as others have said...don't get suckered!

all the best...