Jessie
09-05-2006, 05:34 PM
been struggling with something, I cant seem to get a handle on it.
and have been panicky and anxious.
always my extended family is in my thoughts in the background.
I need relief. I need to let it go,
and too I take ALL responsiblity and feel like everything is all my fault when its not,
trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
sometimes looking back all I see is a dark hole. I dont want to go back there.
I'm not like them. I was sinking then, as young as 13 withdrawing to myself.
my mother and her hypocritic ways are still in my head. and yes, its me allowing her to control me. I need strength in this area.
I would be misused and then if I said anything I was shunned and the troublemaker.
so I was darned if I did darned if I did'nt. and had no people skills back then at all.
so this is some of what has been bugging me.
fear of it all.
only allowed to say "nice" things. never deal with the so called negative stuff.
I'm repressing something, probably anger and have had a headache again for about the last 4 days...
I"m always afraid of my feelings after wof, cause I dont want to move away from God.
and have been panicky and anxious.
always my extended family is in my thoughts in the background.
I need relief. I need to let it go,
and too I take ALL responsiblity and feel like everything is all my fault when its not,
trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
sometimes looking back all I see is a dark hole. I dont want to go back there.
I'm not like them. I was sinking then, as young as 13 withdrawing to myself.
my mother and her hypocritic ways are still in my head. and yes, its me allowing her to control me. I need strength in this area.
I would be misused and then if I said anything I was shunned and the troublemaker.
so I was darned if I did darned if I did'nt. and had no people skills back then at all.
so this is some of what has been bugging me.
fear of it all.
only allowed to say "nice" things. never deal with the so called negative stuff.
I'm repressing something, probably anger and have had a headache again for about the last 4 days...
I"m always afraid of my feelings after wof, cause I dont want to move away from God.